Thursday, 18 October 2012

I am too tired to type but I will say this...

It has not been a great day because
  • daughter has 2nd cold in two weeks, bad one this time, takes me back to the days before her heart op (aged 9 yrs and 2 wks), so although she is 15 1/2 now and 'well' whenever autumn comes and back to school and germs I hate it.
  • Not sleeping well, I am having busy, stressful dreams and waking up knackered.
  • The FW pissing me off (so what's new you say) - has decided to make pickled onions and egg for crimbo.  Now this is only the 2nd time in 30 years he has done this and whilst I was trying to sterilise the jars for the eggs he was packing the onions into unsterilised jars, then had a 'tant' when I said "those are not sterilised".  I am trying to help  so we don't have mould discovered when it comes to eat them and so as not to waste precious pennies on food that will end up being thrown away.  So he then says "that's what I usually do" - usually... usually, when the hell is twice in 30 years called usually.  {When I am doing something with a sewing machine (not often) or a paintbrush (not as often as I would like) he will say "wouldn't you be better off doing it over there/over here/like this/that way, or worse poking his big fat fingers in the glue, or whatever the hell I am doing, grrrrr}.  So anyway he flings down the lids that he has touched and therefore de-sterilised and starts raising his voice/shoulders etc.  In the past I would have walked away, no more honey, I was not in the mood to tolerate this behaviour today and I told him so. He stomped out, surprise surprise.
  • The FW went to aquatherapy today - you remember my favourite thing I had to give up three years ago - although he didn't enjoy it he is going again I think (probably just to piss me off - bastard), he has induction at the gym tomorrow, I don't think that will 'take' though, teehee.
  • Whilst all the tomfoolery with pickling was going on, I was trying to make bread and do huge pile of ironing and also had to walk to friend's house to deliver her grandchild's 1st birthday present, took dog as well to 'time manage', poor fella didn't get as much 'sniffing time' as I stepped it out a bit. The FW had the car (he had made a big fuss of saying I could go when he got back or that he would take the van - jeez it's a 15min walk if I march rather than trudge and I won't melt if it rains a bit! controlling bastard).
  • He came back from delivering ebay parcels to post office with 'luxury foods' ie stuff I do not buy as they are no longer in the family food budget, including stuff like a box of Ritz crackers and some deli pate.  But you know there is always money for his luxuries, nuff said.
  • He also had early morning phone call with mortgage people, he raises his voice and is a complete arse, which is not helpful to our situation, especially as the call centre is in India and he does not cope well with accents. (His failings at life are having a huge effect on our family and I worry for the future).  He has reluctantly agreed to visit his mum in the care home tomorrow and I have to do the family shop on next-to-no budget at the crack of sparrow to accommodate this - oh joy!
  • Oh yeah and he is out for a curry tomorrow night, well I ain't cooking as I have still got the buggering ironing to do, it will be something on toast for dinner for the rest of us.  I am so close to 'leaving the kitchen' altogether, truly, if it weren't for the kids I bloody would!
I told you I was too tired to I am grouchy!!


PS My best friend has just told me she can't wait to move to be with boyfriend (in the Midlands) it is not 'if' it is 'when', oh... 'bye then.  Long story - more another day.

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This is a place for me, to try and make sense of my world, and my place in it. My family and friends do not know about this, I need some privacy, peace and freedom.
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