Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Two hours later.....

Right now, yes this minute, I should be sorting the laundry and having a shower.  As you can see I am not.

Instead after a complete no blog brain my head is swimming with snippets of things I want to say.  So before the thoughts all leak out of my ears, here goes:

the beautiful yarn arrived, after a long delay, luscious colours, wrong type.  Thin cotton...bugger...but I can craft for the next ten years!!!  The next yarn I am waiting for is the right type, wrong colours... bugger.  This has used all my budget and xmas money.  I was tempted by other peoples work and the beautiful online shop. drat.

So onto the credit card (don't look at me in that tone of voice, I have commissions, I do really!) will be another untested but seen on the blogs type of cotton, dk this time not cotton 8!!!!!

Whilst waiting for colour decisions and yarn to arrive I have started stash busting and have three (yep you heard right) baby blankets on the go.  Baby blankets mean I can sample all the online loveliness and accomplish something relatively quickly notwithstanding sighing/frogging etc. 

Two separate friends are going to be grandparents in May, so there is a deadline for No. 3 and the unstarted one.  I will gift as well as making the commissioned ones, so that make two for each.  (oh and I musn't forget the booties though I can't remember who wants them!)

On my hook(s) now:
1. candy stripe moss stitch (from stash bought 3/4 years ago)
2. denim blue/grey/white ripple, will be edged in red possibly, (blue and grey bought Nov time, wool mix and slightly scratchy for scarves but will do for sturdy buggy use.
3. very boring, yet subtly beautiful white shawl using 4ply yarn from 7 years ago (economic yes?)
4. tiny stitch (oh my eyes and fingers) doily/bowl covers for friend using new (she will reimburse me later) ticket 6 ivory (sigh) cotton and glass beads
5 white (from stash) pram blanket (pattern from Modern Grace blog), simple and gorgeous.

I flit from piece to piece depending on frogging crisis/where I am sitting/mood and each session I say to myself "now look here, if you pay attention and concentrate you can *whip this up* (grrrr) in no time flat, or at least one a week and in a month 4 of the 5 will be done".  The doily things will take months of picking up and putting down.  I get distracted by 
a) people 
b) phone 
c) the ironing 
d thinking about housework and occasionally doing it
e) making meals 
f) tv  
g) falling asleep mid stitch!

I have learned to download music from Amazon through a 'Cloud' and onto an SD card so I have some favourites I can listen to.  I have pieces of paper with bits of music written on everywhere and also have a gift certificate from mother's day to use (told you I procrastinate). I learned this yesterday and was skippy about it.

Here is my list of stuff to do:

  • finish the fugly desk so that I can stop using the ironing board or dressing table as writing desk.
  • sort/scan/sell on ebay dolls house magazines*
  • decide to sell vintage dolls houses and furniture and then DO IT
  • start working through drawers/cupboards/boxes and GET RID
  • consider taking a table at the local weekly (it couldn't be more perfect if I had the motivation) indoor boot fair.**
  • Get off my arse and walk
  • the family grave needs sorting......DO IT
  • And other stuff I forget at the moment!
None of this is difficult in any way, I have dealt with more work/stress/tasks in the past and just got on with it.  Now just thinking sends me into a tizz and I drift about watching the clock whizz round and think 'in 30 years I will regret wasting this time'.

Ooops 40 minutes just disappeared into the keyboard!

Right then.....I am off to the laundry basket.


* I had a hobby once upon a salary.

** The FW would insist on getting involved (then fucking it right up, he has the knack you know) or giving me advice which I would have to take or he gets the 'ump.  It is a pretty, clean indoor thingy and he would ask me to either take up space with his stuff and then I would be knackering myself for his benefit or would want to bring (if he came) his dirty work crap that he usually brings to outdoor ones and craps up our pitch.  I want to sell my vintage dolls house stuff (that I bought at the top of the market sigh) and he doesn't think that is the right place to do it.  How does he know this?

PS middle son is feeling better and able to cope with the hours/responsibilities etc.  Thank you Lord, you heard my prayers.

Happy Blogs

Thank you to Blods who asked me to keep on bloggin' (and to my other dear Commenters too) because of the lack of parity in Blogland.

There are a lot of happy blogs, I will confess I love them dearly and I also deeply deeply envy their beauty and joi de vivre.

I know there are some who have unhappy, stressful, day to day and past lives but who still blog happy because it gives them escape into a beautiful world.  I do not blame them if they are able to do that. 

I have written from the heart, to let out my feelings and I worry every time I hit the publish button whether there are some dark souls who will leave a nasty comment and how it would affect me.

I feel very much, sometimes, whether "as ye sow, so shall ye reap" and agonise whether I am at fault, have not been a good mother and wife, that I should have been a better friend, sister etc.

Every night when I settle down to sleep I visualise a different life, in a different house, with different daily schedules,  but I dream horrible, busy dreams which scare me a little.

Every morning I wake and get on with the day, depending on my mood, black, dark grey, grey, or occasionally (for a few brief hours sometime) a soft blue that will enable me to be efficient, to cope, and to get on top of domesticity.

I used to be so good at organising, cleaning, thinking, but now I am the Queen of Procrastination, the Duchess of Doom, the Countess of Not Caring.

I have to make some (relatively) small financial decisions, which I have thought about, written pros and cons on paper and have a deadline.  But every choice I have ever chosen, every decision I have ever made has come back to haunt me, has bitten me on the arse.  And being a Gemini this does not come easy; to do this or that, buy that over the other, go this way or that way.

A couple of days ago I received a solicitors letter saying that as a beneficiary of an aunt's will I (and the other 15 or so nieces and nephews I presume) will inherit her portion of her friend's (?) will.  How nice, though it will probably be about £28.50 so I won't get too excited.  It was very odd though as the first envelope I opened was from a luxury travel company and I thought someone was taking the piss!  Then I opened the solicitor envelope and it all became clear. 

If there is enough to pay some off the credit card bill I will be content (a relatively small £1500 but to me, who is old fashioned and hate owing money, a fortune).  Obviously I am on the mortgage and as a director of The FW's business there is my name on a smallish business bank loan and the money we have to pay the accountant (a court case because The FW is a fuckwit). 

The FW is busy busy writing letters to the banks (I have lost track of what and why) and their associated debt collection agencies.  We are in the right as to some of the issues and yet there is a feeling that he is partly to blame for the problems and I would rather we should sell the house, the van (I must not forget when the van is sold our eldest son must be paid back first and foremost, I went apeshit when I found out he had borrowed from our son!) and a whole lot of other stuff and downsize to a more manageable (for me) house and live a financially quieter life.  I am small, I think small, I like small.

I am going to get up now and deal with Wednesday, The FW is off to his aquatherapy (still makes my blood boil!), both sons are at their work and the kid is at school, so I will have an hour and a half to myself.  I will crochet and eat scrambled eggs.  (I won't make a bitchy comment about the 52 weeks of happy that is trending at the moment!).

See you later,

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Saturday, 12 January 2013

Feckin' Hormones

Sorry could not write anything for a while, there has been a major hormone swell this week.  This sucks my brain right out of my skull and couldn't have picked a worse time for this to happen.

Not to mention my son (who came off the citalopram too soon too quickly) having a massive dip as well.  Luckily he asked for help, went to docs and also told his boss and director who were very understanding and gave him a week of unpaid leave.  He is still in his induction period, but as he works in the caring field there is a lot of understanding, and praise too because he talked to them instead of just carrying on and then falling apart as so many others do.

I am feeling a mite better and able to function and be crochet creative too.  go me.

Bye for now,

from the slightly more hairy hobbit woman (bleh)

PS Son is feeling better now.

PPS there is a slight rumour (also my daughter saw him in his car drive in the gates) that a certain ex-Eastenders Mitchell brother has moved in at the bottom of my road (though why he would pick this crappy town I do not know, maybe he got a lot of house for his money).  That accounts for the very discreet and gorgeous works that has been going on at the loverly old house that I walk past sometimes.  I may become a stalker.

Saturday, 5 January 2013


I haven't been around much, I don't have the energy.

I will try again later.

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Bits and bobs.

Sorry about the delay, it is hard to be motivated to write (what, again, you say).

I am not keen on this inbetweeny time, the decs are still up but not appreciated.  I cannot wait to take them down.  I must photograph the tree 'tho as it looks pretty great. There are still bits and pieces hanging about that I really want to put away but can't be bothered. 

Next year is sorted as I went out last Thursday and got some half price cards and paper and a diary for 29p.  Today I had an unscheduled visit to town and ended up with two jacketty/cardigan things from the charity shop (a total of £6.50 woohoo) and some books because I cannot face reading another crime thriller (even though they have been my favourite for so long, maybe because the bad guy gets caught and justice prevails!!).

I have some crochet commissions that I cannot wait to start (have started lol) and have spent a fair bit on some yarn from the Netherlands, very gorgeous colours and spent over the budget, what the hell.  Just after that my laptop charger started playing up and I shall have to buy another cheapo. bugger.  And the battery only has about an hour charge on it, so I must budget for that too.

I am a little concerned about middle son, he is drooping a bit and considering going back on citalopram and is also still suffering from this really bad sore throat/cold/cough.  He is not usually ill but this has been nearly three weeks.  It is dragging him down.

 My eldest is still working on his scholarship and it seems cannot wait to move out if he gets it.  He is the least able to live in the real world.  Although he is super-clever he cannot seem to be able to cook, remember to get up in the morning and has no concept of time.  I have worried about this but maybe I have to learn to let things go.  I will try.

We are going to visit MiL and Fil tomorrow and daughter coming too as she hasn't seen them for a very long time.

Have not heard from BF even though I text everyone with New Year wishes (some even replied).  When I do phone her (yes I know!) there will be a good reason why she hasn't phoned, some family disaster or illness.  Genuine as well, 'tho she doesn't feel the need to tell me when it is happening so I can help, or listen at the time.   She is ok to tell me later and then I feel guilty about not being clairvoyant and phoning earlier.

Also had a very unexpected text from my oldest brother. I have not spoken to him in about a year.  He only lives about 40mins away but it seems like Outer Mongolia.  I suspect it was a New Year greeting to everyone in his phone book even though it has not happened before.  I have not replied yet.  This is rude I know but I can't deal with stuff at the moment.

I had some super little gifts from friends (I love them).  There is also a realisation that I cannot eat too many nuts and chocolate any more, as it gives me pain in my gallbladder (I think) area.  I suspect that my super large bar of favourite choc will last many many weeks. Which is a good thing as I need to lose some weight.

On middle son's birthday we went to see The Hobbit, which was quite good in parts and marvellously good in other parts.  The FW was pissed off (even though he did not want to see the film) and took daughter out for an Indian meal.  Whilst we had a cheapy macdonalds on the way home.  My brother drove us and was a bit grumpy about it, even though I paid for his ticket.  The FW goes to the pub every single night, but if I go out just once a year and eat out (macdonalds still counts as eating out in his mind) he will reward himself and take one of our kids too, then drop them home and go up the pub.  Which is interesting as daughter will go to pub with him now and again and eldest son will go about once a week or so.  But if I go out alone with one or more kids then that is wrong.  How, I am not clear, but that's the way it is.  He used to be like this when daughter was younger and we went out with friends.  He was working 6 days a weeks and didn't want to go out at all, but did not like me going out even during the day when he was at work, even if I sorted the meal out so that we could stay at the seaside longer (we did not have any holidays so a day at the beach was like a week in the south of France), he would make a fuss about phoning to ask what was going on.  Every time.

He is now saying he is going to sell his model railway stuff to 'pay the bills' .  That will be interesting to see.  If he makes say, £200, then he will probably give me £50 for a bill (which will be a small percentage of it) then have to keep the rest for himself.  Which is fair enough as it is his possessions he is selling, but if he did not go up the pub every night and a meal out every 5 or 6 weeks, then he would probably not need to sell his stuff.  I can't be bothered to explain any of this to him as he immediately does or thinks the opposite to what I say. 

I am going to try to be motivated to sell my stuff to pay off the credit card.  I don't owe that much really but I hate being in debt at all.  I have vintage dolls houses and furniture to sell and some pretty bric a brac (love that phrase!),  I need to try and organise my time and not spend so long reading blogs, even though it is my second favourite thing to do, the first favourite being crochet.  So I am off to crochet a baby shawl (in boring white, yuk) 'til I get sleepy.

Night y'all.