Sunday, 17 June 2012

It's possible I may be an ungrateful wretch...or

It's my birthday today, 50, and have just had a day out with my family, who clearly did not want to be there.  The alternative was a barbecue (which I hate because it's such hard work (my husband likes fancy food and not just sausages/burgers etc, or a surprise party.....these were the options given to me 2 weeks ago.  Well of course I opted for a day out as we hadn't had one for ever.  Now don't get me wrong, my kids are lovely but they don't like to leave their rooms/computers for too long or their skin peels off (joking),no really, two of them don't travel well in cars, so that is an ordeal for them, and for me because I have to sit in the middle of the back seat so it is squashy and hot.  I decided that it would be the last time (until I am elderly and they are obliged to take the old lady out for tea hardehar),  

We went to Hythe first and because we left late (wtf) we got there late morning and went straight to the nice cafe (the Nutmeg??) and whilst there for nearly an hour (again WTF) there was a discussion about whether a cow has four stomachs or three (out come the iphones...they have one stomach with four compartments apparently), seriously, WTF.  I could not believe we were sitting there and all four of them were pissing about with PHONES!! So I popped outside where the sun was and people and air and things to look at...........anyway we left to walk about towards the sea and things to look at....and I heard "aaw I don't feel like walking" ~ 23yr old, and "we could have got in the car (yeh really) and driven round to the seafront" ~ husband. grrrrr.
I confess i did grumble quietly, I just can't be fake and pretend that it's all lovely and aren't we having a wonderful time, I just can't.  I give so frickin much to my family and get thrown a bone and be expected to be grateful. (oh god I hate myself).  Right now he is in the pub bitching about me, his favourite pastime.
So, then we went to Rye, now I like it there but we have been there about 6 or 7 times (last time about 3 yrs ago).  After the antiquey shops I made them walk up to the church and round the lovely, lovely little streets and pretty houses, all the time conscious that hubby was limping (doesn't limp when doing what he wants!) and that son (23) was bored witless.  I decided to be more positive (fake) 'look at this' and 'let's go here; blah blah, anyway time marches on and everyone was hungry, let's go to a particular restaurant that hubby as always wanted to go to - oh dear just closed ok then off to fish and chip caff mmmmm lovely (not), then back into car for lovely journey home.  By which time we were all knackered, daughter has exam tomorrow tho has revised, she is good at all that.

(I had made some flexible arrangements to go out with my friends last night (this was dependent on the weather (this was a manic, crazy, windy, loony afternoon/evening and everyone laughed themselves to exhaustion (well we are between 49 and 58) and I hope to find a picture that I can put on here later when my friends sort them out larf!  We went to Herne Bay and will tell you more later.)

When we got home at just after 7, (exhausted from having a 'good' time), fed cat/dog, made tea, changed into jamas, fell asleep on sofa, the phone rang, hubby got it and said it was best friend who I had forgot to phone when we got home who said she was coming round (I'm feeling guilty as yesterday was hard on her as she has chronic pain and would be exhausted), anyway totally forgot she is without car and was walking round (oh god, oh god more guilt) so..she and daughter come in with beautiful cake, lovely photo album, but no pics in album as her computer has died with all the pics on it and had spent all day trying to fix it, again more guilt, so busy listening about what she had been doing for me and had had bad night etc that I didn't offer the cake immediately, but did later and was told 'no thanks' (although we were laughing all the time) so by now I am squirming with ungrateful guiltness and just want the bloody day to just please end now, I cannot bear it any longer.

So, tomorrow, I will take friend to docs, take round cake, collect card she left behind from the daughter who made cake, take round eldest son to attempt to fix computer or build her another because she is dependent on computer.  
Why do I feel so bloody bad, (8 years ago I threw a massive pub party for hubby in february for his 50th, whilst enraging one of his sisters over an invitation misunderstanding - sheeesh, then in may threw a massive 50th party at my house for same friend above, then, THEN threw a massive family/friends 18th party for my son three weeks later) I was knackered and unknowingly ill with overactive thyroid - you should see the photos - I was sKiNNy!!!!!!

So ungrateful wretch, or should I be happy for anything that comes my way no matter what.  The saying goes you get what you deserve so what does that tell me.  I will post this even tho it is rambling a bit and am worried if anyone reads it what they will think.

Sorry got to go before hubby comes in......