Tuesday, 23 July 2013

At the moment....

I am feeling ok at the minute -

Royal Baby - sigh

A seaside visit - yaaay

House cleaning - 'bout bloody time

Pending in-laws visit (birthday barbecue for Ma-in-law) - this is to be endured, we haven't entertained for a very long time, but I felt it churlish to say no in the circumstances.

Best friend going through a Very Tough time at the moment.

craaazy cat eyes (please to ignore cold 'stuff')   

sleeeepy cat eyes (the duvet looks nice - is tatty!)

scruffy bed - scruffier dog

I hope to write more about some of the above, the humidity is draining the little grey cells.

Not one, but three photos, just showing off now, larf.

Much love to all of you 'out there'


Thursday, 11 July 2013

Slightly suspicious cleaning

The FW is cleaning the car, cul-leaning it.  A proper valet, even the engine has been washed, no joke.  This may be the cleanest it has been since we bought it about 3-4 years ago.  The dent/scratch from 18 months ago (ice) is being buffed out, it's only been rusting there since January 2012.  Something is being planned or he has got something up his sleeve.  Watch this space.

On the same subject, sort of, I have regained a little energy and am able to do several things in one day.  Yep, multi-tasking me*.  Ironing And vacuuming And dog walking And washing And side alley/cat litter tray/dustbin dealing with, not forgetting planning the journey for tomorrow's cardiac clinic for the girl.  Now she has been moved to the Adult clinic they (some Professor person) wants to see her..... she isn't pleased.

A random pic just to see if I can remember how to do it - I need to upload some up to date stuff!

The above photo is a brooch I made for a friend last year, I didn't make the scarf it is pinned to. I have now given away all my brooches and key ring hearts and now need to get organised and make more for the stash box.  My crochet is disorganised at present.  It is on my list of 'sorting out'.  I Will get there.

See you soon,


*any one of these tasks would have been insurmountable in The Bad Times.

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

A teeny bit scared

This is the understatement of the year.  I am full on peeing my pants terrified.  I shall explain...

On Saturday (which is the day all the shitty letters arrive, you may have noticed this yourself), I had a letter from the Department of Work and Pensions, hereafter known as 'The DWP', saying my Work Group appointment was on Wednesday at 9am.  What, wait, who!  Oh right, here it is then. As my *ahem* partner is on benefits (earning support allowance) it is MY reponsibility to look for work through them (aka the land of humiliation/despondency/overwhelming  expectations).  Otherwise he will lose the ESA.  So, I get more shit heaped on my head for Him.

These are the people who drove my son almost to suicide (and was making plans for it), he ended up in the mental health ward at the local hospital for a month.  This was a terrible time for our family.

I could have signed on a year ago, and chose not to, because I did not feel entitled to, even though I have paid my national insurance etc, and knew - knew - I could not deal with the bureaucracy/idiocy of that place, especially as what had happened to son. 

I have very low self esteem and confidence.  I have not properly worked outside the home since 1997 (a few hours part time domestic cleaning doesn't really count, and let us not talk about the failed fostering saga).  I worked at home with The FW's business, but that was ad hoc and fitted in with caring for our daughter during her ill health (and taking care of others too).  My physical stamina has decreased and the menopause has killed my organisational skills.

I don't know what to expect for tomorrow, I had settled into 'surrendering' and was making myself comfortable in that place, after all these months of fighting it and getting battle-scarred.  Now it is all up in the air again and I truly do not think I can cope with another upheaval in my poor head.  I tried to contact the counselling service again but am not allowed to have any appointments until another 8 (eight!) weeks have gone by.  

And before anyone at all decides to give me a hard time about "getting a job" - let me make this clear - There Are No Jobs In This Town.  Unless you want to clean an old peoples' home (I did this caring for my elderly parents and uncle) or work in a school kitchen (I have no certificates).

All this is because The FW is not getting the fact that we should sell this house and downsize/downscale, whatever.  He wants to keep the mortgage/council tax help we get.  I hate this and want to simplify and clarify life.  But, I am not in charge, it is an old-fashioned household inasmuchas HE is in charge.  I have no control over ANYthing.

Oh dear.

Oh  God, please make it stop.