Monday, 1 April 2013

How much chocolate did YOU eat??

No seriously, did you have a good Easter?

I am feeling 'nearly' normal at the moment.  My moods are definitely cyclical.  There must be some rogue hormones hanging around.  I started the menopause on 12 June 2007.  I can be exact because that was the day my (I thought at the time) normal period started.  It all went down hill from there.    I have not had a period for (definitely) 2 and (possibly) 3 years.  I have lost count.  I keep saying, to myself mostly as no-one else is listening, that I should see the doc, if only the female docs were not on sick leave and I could get an appointment. bugger.

I am struggling to keep my composure when my dear daughter (16 soon yikes) adds to my distress when she exclaims loudly about any remarks/comments I make in response to something subtly nasty that The FW says. I can see his smirk even when I am not looking at him.  Do I explain that I used to take his nastiness in past years without realising it or indeed feeling that I deserved it.  Do I tell her that he should not speak to me like that especially now that I know how he has behaved since, oh around 1986!  That is when his demeanour to me changed though I did not realise why until 2008.  I am a bit slow you know!!

As much as I love my girl, I am wishing her life away when I am waiting for her to be 18 so that I can leave or follow her out the door when she leaves home.  If I can last that long, my friends.

I cannot begin to tell you how dark that last couple of weeks have been.  Muddled, befuddled, bleary, weepy, sobby, worthless, valueless complete and utter waste of time and space.

There...that's all out.

The sun is shining and I have been tidying up.  Marvellous!

Love to you all


The FW has a new thing, that is picking up furniture from gumtree and putting it in auction.  Right now he is picking up over 200! cones of yarn.  A van load.  I knew he did not want to sell the van even though it is worth about 8 grand at least (an as new, low mileage Mercedes Vito) and would solve some financial problems.  He will think he is Delboy if he makes a monkey!!  Help me bear this oh Lord.


  1. Dear dear lovely lady, I have been thinking of you alot. Read the last post that I have written on my blog today. I thought I had to wait till that magic number of 18 too, but you don't. Mine are 14, 15 and 17.
    If you ever need to talk to anyone who totally understands, then email me my dear. Its on that post. Be strong my lovely. You are in my thoughts often. Take care. Donna x

  2. sorry to be naive but what does NW stand for?
    Have just come throught to your blog through John,he from Wales and notice that my good and lovely friend Donna has posted a comment, well just shows I'm in the right place here doesn't it, will be following you from now on, sorry if that sounds as though I'm a stalker, I'm not, far too lazy for that. lol

    1. Hi Briony
      I think you mean FW which means The FW aka The F*ckwit which is my name for the person I am married to, because he is one.

      Welcome to my world altho it's a bit whiny. Apologies in advance. John makes me laugh out loud, and that is very welcome. I always check his blog first.

  3. *hugs* You will find your way. Blessings to you.

  4. I'm with Donna
    There will never be a right time. Right moments always come unexpectedly.
    You are stronger than you think you are.(cliche but so very true)
    take care


This is a place for me, to try and make sense of my world, and my place in it. My family and friends do not know about this, I need some privacy, peace and freedom.
Please don' t leave unkind comments, I have enough of that in 'real life'.