At last, at last. I looked at my phone and there was a missed call. Again. So I phoned and left a message. Again. Finally, after an afternoon of missed calls I managed to speak to a Person. (I believe my lickle oldie mobile is Deceased, Expired, an Ex-mobile. bum).
So, it seems that I am registered (correct word?) at two offices in This Town and the Next Town Over. How? When I realised that Our Town clinic had not shut down as I thought it had when I got the letter last year, the letter that said did i want to continue and be transferred to Next Town Over that that is what had happened and I was disappointed and disheartened that they had shut (so I thought) the same month I had asked for help. Paranoid? Moi?
Anyhow, when the Lovely Lady said that they had only transferred me because they were too overwhelmed, I wept and said that I had been walking past their office at least once a week, that it was too difficult to get to the Next Town Over (who had said they were hoping to open an office in This Town) and was despairing for help. I said that all this time when I was in such a bad place and you were here all the time and I didn't know.
Can you imagine how I feel. That this is something that others go to their GP, get referred, wait a period of time for that appointment, but still, get that appointment in the normal, usual manner. But not so for me, how did it happen that when I finally, finally ask for help the whole of My Town does so too and indeed why is it that I have to be the one that has to a) get put into Next Town Over's clinic, when I don't drive far (there are reasons) and am trying to be private with this and because there is always someone at home it isn't always easy to go out unless I 'report out' I can't just put my coat on and go and come back without some questioning. Not in a Bad Way but you know what I mean.
Anyway, an appointment I have and guess what - I have a doctor's appointment on Monday at 9am, a bit early for me nowadays but still I managed to make one so it's all good (or not) but you guessed it the counselling appt is on Monday at 10 45. So I have to go out twice. The GP one is a lovely lady doctor who takes her time, so I will get into that one probably at 930 and out at 950, then home, turn round and out again. I am hoping The FW is auctioning that day, please God. If he is then I won't go home but walk via the LYS and buy yarn to cheer me up. No doubt I will have stronger prescription and a list of bloods required. Great.
I have also made the Dreaded dentist appointment too, I went a little crazy the other day when I had to collect my blood pressure medication and booked these things because I knew I couldn't go on neglecting myself.
When talking to the Lovely Lady, she asked a lot of questions that made me think (horrid ones like, Am I a danger to others or Have I thought of suicide). I'm not and I haven't but you know I have wondered what it would be like to not be here anymore, to maybe walk out that door and keep walking.