Friday, 26 April 2013

Something very odd has happened....

I feel normal, whatever normal is these days.

Today I feel 'mellow'. WTF.

My head is clear, my thoughts are organised, I am managing to do domestic tasks with no anguish, stress, muddleheadedness or physical clumsiness. 
The internal spikes are gone from my head, even the air seems lighter, although it is a grey rainy day.

So, this begs the question, was it indeed hormones?  If so, was those ghastly months a last gasp, a nod to the entire moody menstrual life I have had.

My friend V came round yesterday to collect baby blanket (pictured previously).  She loved it, which makes me happy and proud.  Bless her she also gave me a lovely card and £20 which I protested about as she had already given me the same last year (I know, this blanket should have only taken a short time to make), but she said that was for the wool and not my time and skill.  God, I love that girl.

Anyway, as we chatted (The FW was occupied in the garden with my brother 'ponding') she said that she wished I had talked to her more about the depression and that it made her down to think that I was.  Oh my.  To think that someone in my life, although one step removed, was concerned for me and my welfare.  You lovely people who have commented have been very kind and thrown the lifebelt to me over these last hideous months and I thank you for that.  I wonder whether that jolly conversation would have happened, say, a month or six weeks ago.

So, next week she is going to take me to her horse, up the road in the village, right next to the local crafty/gift/art gallery/teashoppe type place, perfick.  I may poo-pick which is good exercise.  And we are also going to the local(ish) beach for walking and sea-gazing and beachy-hut tea'n'cake. Fab.  And maybe also to Next Town Over for the vintagey/art gallery/antiquey/more tea'n'cake type stuff.  I have something to look forward to.  I am somewhat overwhelmed.

Also today, after some cleaning (what, more!) and food shopping (boring) I decided to start on the bedroom.    Furniture to move around, spaces to de-clutter (started, not finished) and the possibility of a charity shop table for the sewing machine and a retro cabinet for storage of Nice Things.  I can spend a lot of time pretending to be crafting *larf*.

Errrm I have nearly forgotten the blood test ( haven't had that yet oops), the dreaded dentist and follow up gp appointment.  And The FW has lots of checkups and procedures etc to deal with.  I think his unhealthy lifestyle is catching up. 

Ummm what else, oh yeah, the dear daughter has another cardiac appointment, this time with a Professor forgodssake.  Probably, (hopefully) just a Curious Professor.

I wonder how long 'the mellow' will last?



  1. I read your post and know how you feel. I walked around in a fog for months and months, some days spending more time on the bed than off it. I went to the Dr and had all the tests, blood, ecg, bp, and even a heart scan, all clear.
    I didn't go back but through reading online I tried leaving wheat and gluten out of my diet and it worked. I feel like a totally different person, the fog has lifted and I am here again (I always felt as though I wasn't before)
    I was so depressed most of the time and poor Tom went through it.
    If I eat it now I know it and am back on the bed completely out of it.
    Just thought that maybe it might help you, or maybe you've already tried it.

  2. Grab the mellow, breathe it in while it is with you. xx


This is a place for me, to try and make sense of my world, and my place in it. My family and friends do not know about this, I need some privacy, peace and freedom.
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