Monday, 18 March 2013

This week

DG has been hormonal, it has not been fun.

On Monday I took some stuff to the charity shop, and decided that I would ebay a lot of my stuff (when I could handle it).

On Tuesday my brother came and borrowed my camera, so that's the ebay kiboshed.

I woke up on Thurs and felt I had a normal brain and I cleaned parts of the house.

On Friday I cleaned some more house (only about 40% clean now). Then discovered the cat had peed on the chair in the kitchen and her favourite cardboard box lid.  Had thoughts of vet.

On Saturday The FW went to his mum's house to help clear it and came home with loads of stuff - so much for decluttering then.  It was tough for him and there was a lot of bad feeling within the family.  vultures is the word I am thinking of.

Also on Saturday took DG for hair cut (in the sideways rain that was in our face in the 30 min walk there AND the 30 min walk back!!!). When we got home wet and exhausted (specially me due to the housecleaning on the previous days) I was just about to settle down with tea and crochet when she found a flea on the dog, so dog bathing and bed washing ensued, he has four - I'm not kidding.

On Sunday whilst remaking the main dog's bed the cat walked over to it, stepped in and squatted and peed - WTF.  I washed it again.  Thought more about vet.

Today (Monday) I sluiced down the side of the house where (under a canopy) the cat has a litter box with lid and a mat to catch stray litter.  I was in jamas paddling in bleach and buckets of water.  After a shower I sorted one or two bits and found a home for them on top of the dresser.  This involved a stepladder and moving the stuff there to somewhere else in order to make room. I walked the dog.  Then I was a bit fed up and went upstairs to messy bedroom and started pinning up the hems of trousers I am shortening to take into account the lower heels I am intending to wear.  The FW came home with more stuff after clearing the garage. After putting the cat box back together and refilling it we noticed she was scampering past it terrified, and she wouldn't go through the cat flap (don't tell the dog, he thinks it's a dog flap).  So, the stray cat that came in our house a couple of weeks ago has invaded her territory and possibly scared her in the loo, either by hiding/sheltering or confronting her in there.  I took the lid off and have brought it into the utility, (the dog is confused as I had to move his food/water bowls to in front of the washing machine).  She was so relieved she used it straight away.  Problem solved temporarily and hopefully when the lighter evenings and warmer days come she will regain her territory.

So the upshot of this is that I no longer want to bother with cleaning as the cat peed and the dog flead up the place.  I no longer care about decluttering as more stuff (including furniture) is everywhere -  I have no where to put the sewing box and trousers except on the sofa. 

Have told The FW that there is only £25 per week to feed all of us including the animals.  I have done some calculations and in 6 (six!) months have put £1400 on the credit card with household bills.  I want to sell everything and have told him so.  His van is on the market and he is seriously considering selling the endowment (at last and thank God).  He said we will then definitely have to sell the house when he is 65 (in six years).  I want to sell the house today, I am no longer happy here and we can not realistically afford to live here but he does not see this.  The boys will move out (or at least one of them) at some point and the house will be too big.  

After repaying the second mortgage, paying off his credit card, hopefully repaying eldest son I hope there will be some left to clear my credit card, morally there should be.  I am going to get my name off the electric and gas bills.

Also this week I have left messages for the counselling service twice and they have not responded, even they don't want to talk to me.  Best friend has not spoken for nearly 2 weeks, I think she is trying to make a point about not phoning me though I don't know why.  I am sad.

Lots more depressive thoughts and wandering around the house in despair.

On a positive note I have got the camera back.


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This is a place for me, to try and make sense of my world, and my place in it. My family and friends do not know about this, I need some privacy, peace and freedom.
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