Yesterday (Friday) was pretty grim and not just because of the weather.
I shopped at our Tesco Metro in town as I had a voucher, it isn't easy as I refuse to pay the exorbitant car parking fees and park the car several minutes walk away, so heavy shopping bags have to be considered. I took some stuff into the nearest charity shop, nearly ended up as the 'Smash' advert lady, managed to avoided any of the other charity shops and headed straight to the food shopping. I absolutely hate food shopping on a budget, it is not fun and it is not a challenge to see how little I can spend. It is about how much I can get for my family with the tiniest amount. I hate it, I hate it.
I went into the post office to get a form to cash in the remaining premium bonds. When that is gone, that's it, no more safety net. All my savings (about 4 1/2K) are gone. I got completely soaked and when I got home The FW was rubbishing the £100 offer he had got from the bank he is in dispute with. I have no idea how that will turn out. He has a valid reason but I suspect the bank will win this time. I got upset and told him that I wasn't sure whether to buy the daffodils for the cemetery for Mother's Day, because it was hard to justify the expense.
My mother was poor all her life too, and she worked fucking hard at a shit job for it. When I am trudging in the rain with heavy bags, wearing shabby clothes I wonder what the hell happened, I am living her life without the financial control she had. Unfortunately my dad had been told by my Nan that the women in our family controlled the money and he went along with it, he had saved some money during the war and wanted to buy an old house and do it up etc, he was a bricklayer by trade, but mum spent it on some furniture - he never forgave her.
He worked damned hard too but got laid off in the 70s when he got a back injury, so mum was the main breadwinner for years with a just cleaning job. Dad had quite severe undiagnosed depression too. He told The FW not to let me be in charge of the money which justified how he intended to live our life anyway. I didn't find this out until years later and consequently felt very betrayed by my dad. In our marriage I am the financially sensible one and he is The Fuckwit.
The Late Vera's Legacy will have to be used for daughter's 16th birthday, school prom and the first few weeks of college until the financial assistance gets sorted. I also have to pay her back her savings (the last electric bill) as she will have her savings account in April. The premium bonds money, £500, will pay several months credit card payments, if I eke it out well.
It was kinda ironic that when the counselling service phoned my mobile I missed the call because I was curled up on the bathroom floor sobbing.