Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Laughing with shock..

I opened an envelope, hand delivered, familiar writing, on the back written 'please also invite ****** and also my son's girlfriend.....ok what's this then.......opened an engagement party invitation, oh niece and boyfriend (ummm bit young but whatever), then, then, read the names former (not ex, that sounds too harsh) sis in law is getting engaged in 2 (TWO) the decree absolute is through then!
I lauged out loud and didn't know what to say, then explained to The FW what we had been invited to.
dear god what to do, she has been a good friend for 32 years and we have always got on well (tho I have heard she can be fierce and scary/shouty etc I have not witnessed this which means has she always been false with me?)
I completely understand and support the divorce from my brother, she was ignorant of his first bad behaviour then indeed buried head in sand to his subsequent bad behaviour 12 years later* (which has led to two prison sentences) to my deep deep shame.

The man she is getting (or gotten) engaged to is an old friend from her schooldays, has never married, has stated he will never leave home or his elderly parents (an only child), was engaged once I believe for many years which was then broken off, remained friends with this woman who was part of his group of friends that *former* SiL joined about a year ago.  She asked me if she was wrong to ask that he spends time with her exclusively and not the other friends/ex fiancee and I said 'no you have only just joined their group and you cannot make demands like this so soon.  she was not happy to hear this and did not see or speak to me for some weeks, I was otherwise occupied and let it go at the time.  we only regained contact some months later when my younger brother became seriously ill and we thought he would die late last year, thankfully he survived intact.  we have since had my niece/god daughters 18th birthday that we attended and met this man very briefly (SiL made a point of introducing him), his elderly parents were also at the party, tho we did not speak.

I worry that SiL is not 'in love' and is thinking of her future as she is struggling to survive on a wage that is not enough to run a home. (she has debts she is not being honest about and has always chucked money at any problem, bought the best of everything and always refurbished a room/home from the floor to the ceiling including the latest ornaments in double quick time), she was sacked from her long term job which I think was a money situation.  Her children have a trust fund from her late step father that she may have dipped in to buy their new home when my brother when to prison (he signed everything over to her at the time).  Only 7 years ago she organised a very elaborate 25th wedding anniversary blessing occasion which must have cost thousands and that was only to 'show' the disbelievers that they were still together despite everything and not because they loved each other after 25 years......just 3 years later the shit hit the fan spectacularly.  Soon my niece/nephew will be able to have their trust fund, tho i don't know all the details it is a lot of money.

We will go to party, smile, be kind and then step back. (I will always be available to niece/nephew as we are pretty much all they have as SiL has no other close family as abandoned by father and other consequent half siblings from birth and also mother abandoned her until she was 5, and was then pretty badly treated from then on) .

*this is the only way I can describe it, it is indeed intolerable behaviour which has had deep and devastating repercussions on his teenage children's emotional wellbeing, mine too, tho they are coping as well as can be hoped under the circumstances.

I feel that everything I knew before is crumbling all around me, I feel like the apocryphal eskimo granny set afloat on a rapidly melting ice floe, parents-in-law in care or trying desperately to find care for (they have differing needs and have had to be separated) what a bloody minefield that is, thank god I'm only floating round the edges although I did say I would care for MiL myself if necessary, jeez as if life ain't hard enough as FW is taking that seriously!!) Sis-in-Law not in best of health (food issues, what can I say - diabetes, blood pressure etc), younger bro-in-law not interested as his wife has the horrible form of MS and quite frankly he was expecting to inherit some money and not have it disappear in their healthcare!! Tho I did say I would only do it if mum begged not to go into care and not just to save someone's bloody inheritance!!!

I have decided that we cannot live on the tiny benefits income we are entitled to and will have to use my credit cards to pay some bills.....that sucks but I have no choice, gas electric/water/virgin media/food is more than income and that includes help with council tax as FW is on ESA at the moment (he may not get DLA, even tho is unable to work cos of work related injuries) we haven't had help with mortgage yet and he has several thousands of credit card bills to pay. and that doesn't include yearly car tax/insurance/mot/tv licence/building insurance. trying very hard not to panic. I had paid off my cards when I guessed things were going to go tits up, but there is  £300 on one at mo from previous utility bill, technically I have thousands on the 'balance' but am too scare to go down that road, if I spend 200 and pay back 100 monthly and use the 0% that I am offered periodically could I stay in control?? Decisions have to be made this week, if only i could concentrate!

keep on swimmin', just keep on swimmin'

Sorry, much rambling
S x
PS for those not in the know - FW - F**kWit


  1. "ice his nipples"
    you cracked me up!

    1. If you check the film out again *teehee* there is a moment when someone makes him jump twice, either side of his chest (poss an ice spray) - used to use icecubes in dem olden movie star days larf!
      Oh yeah, I reckon he needs to work on his legs as they look weedy in those long shorts he's wearing.
      I'm a nice lady really, I am.... I am.
      Susan (won't x you as I don't know you well enough yet)

  2. Goodness me, that is a deep insight into your life! Good luck with the SiL's engagement party.
    As for the money situation, do be very wary of using credit cards, they can lead you into greater debt, as you are no doubt aware. Can you get advice from a professional in the money sector? Fingers crossed that you manage to get by.

  3. Thanks, hun, everything, every decision is much deliberated, cogitated, agonised over etc (possibly because I am a Gemini and therefore can see two sides to every situation aka indecisive lol!!). Also our life is so complicated relationship-wise, have got other probs with other in-laws re parents-in-law elderly care as well. Sometimes I think I am the problem, and yet my friends say otherwise, ho hum.
    PS my life IS a 'soap opera' *larf*
    pps my brain 'urts!

  4. Often when a lot is thrown at you it seems rather overwhelming - I get to a point when I feel I am just going to burst. But I have found that if you choose one issue - be it financial or personal and list it down - the problems - trying not to digress from the matter - be brutally honest with the list. Then work back through your list - choosing a small section at a time - reducing the problem to an acceptable size - deal with that, then move on to the next part of your list and deal with that. You may not be able to solve the entire problem but you can probably reduce the size of it by being methodical about it - this is also coming from a gemini who gets easily distracted! AND! definitely go to your local knit and natter group - the best form of 'therapy' and it is people who don't know you or your problems and that can be such a delightful relief to be chat about something and nothing whilst getting your mojo back

  5. Thanks, Hawthorn, I am gonna try little bits at a time, and try not to stress about stuff, although there is a huuuuuge amount I haven't blogged about yet (seems almost unbelievable most of it, but hey what the hell).
    Did you believe all that guff that the astrologists were saying that this is going to be the best year for geminis (starting from 12 June I think), I waited....and waited and in the end everything got much much worse and not better!!! I want a re-count!! Note to self - complain to Jonathon Cainer larf.


This is a place for me, to try and make sense of my world, and my place in it. My family and friends do not know about this, I need some privacy, peace and freedom.
Please don' t leave unkind comments, I have enough of that in 'real life'.