As a result of the financial fuckwittery I have retreated back into my shell.
I don't like it here very much. It is quite scary. And lonely.
The FW has taken over my ebay account (originally just to sell the fishtank) and would like the password to my paypal "to make printing labels easier". Yeah. Fuck Off. I am hanging on to them apples, honey. He is having a great spendy time with the money from the sale of the van. Has not paid the bills that he promised to because he can't get online to do that yet (new bank account). I have zoned them out, we are well past the deadline on those. Whatever.
I have not spoken to Best Friend since her birthday on 22 May. We spoke about my birthday (coming to a heartbreak hotel near you soon) and it turns out she won't be around - again - which is quite irrelevant really as in the eleven years we have known each other she cannot get the date right. She is either a day late or too soon in her social/holiday/boyfriend arrangements. And often away. Whatever.
I don't want to be too hard on her as her brother has prostrate cancer and her mother keeps getting taken to A&E in the middle of the night with lung infections, and then getting discharged in the middle of the night. She is 85.
I am supposed to be reading and working with the 'Mindfulness' exercises from the local counselling service. Although the girlie is quite nice, she is young and has 30 minutes to deal with a sobbing, barely coherent, utterly beaten down menopausal doormat. On the Phone. In Sainsbury's car park. Marvellous.
If I am offered medication again, I am going to take it. I don't want too, I am scared of long term meds (even though I am on perindopril - still haven't had the blood test - I know) but I realise that to deal with life I have at the moment I am going to need help. It is not fair on the kids. Especially as The Youngest has come home from school today announcing that it's done, just the odd revision day and exam. Just like that, a brief assembly and letter handed out, no last day shirt signing etc. Cop out much?
I am still reading everyone's blogs. Trying
Lusting after Jason Isaacs in Case Histories. And Matthew Rhys in Americans.