Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Two hours later.....

Right now, yes this minute, I should be sorting the laundry and having a shower.  As you can see I am not.

Instead after a complete no blog brain my head is swimming with snippets of things I want to say.  So before the thoughts all leak out of my ears, here goes:

the beautiful yarn arrived, after a long delay, luscious colours, wrong type.  Thin cotton...bugger...but I can craft for the next ten years!!!  The next yarn I am waiting for is the right type, wrong colours... bugger.  This has used all my budget and xmas money.  I was tempted by other peoples work and the beautiful online shop. drat.

So onto the credit card (don't look at me in that tone of voice, I have commissions, I do really!) will be another untested but seen on the blogs type of cotton, dk this time not cotton 8!!!!!

Whilst waiting for colour decisions and yarn to arrive I have started stash busting and have three (yep you heard right) baby blankets on the go.  Baby blankets mean I can sample all the online loveliness and accomplish something relatively quickly notwithstanding sighing/frogging etc. 

Two separate friends are going to be grandparents in May, so there is a deadline for No. 3 and the unstarted one.  I will gift as well as making the commissioned ones, so that make two for each.  (oh and I musn't forget the booties though I can't remember who wants them!)

On my hook(s) now:
1. candy stripe moss stitch (from stash bought 3/4 years ago)
2. denim blue/grey/white ripple, will be edged in red possibly, (blue and grey bought Nov time, wool mix and slightly scratchy for scarves but will do for sturdy buggy use.
3. very boring, yet subtly beautiful white shawl using 4ply yarn from 7 years ago (economic yes?)
4. tiny stitch (oh my eyes and fingers) doily/bowl covers for friend using new (she will reimburse me later) ticket 6 ivory (sigh) cotton and glass beads
5 white (from stash) pram blanket (pattern from Modern Grace blog), simple and gorgeous.

I flit from piece to piece depending on frogging crisis/where I am sitting/mood and each session I say to myself "now look here, if you pay attention and concentrate you can *whip this up* (grrrr) in no time flat, or at least one a week and in a month 4 of the 5 will be done".  The doily things will take months of picking up and putting down.  I get distracted by 
a) people 
b) phone 
c) the ironing 
d thinking about housework and occasionally doing it
e) making meals 
f) tv  
g) falling asleep mid stitch!

I have learned to download music from Amazon through a 'Cloud' and onto an SD card so I have some favourites I can listen to.  I have pieces of paper with bits of music written on everywhere and also have a gift certificate from mother's day to use (told you I procrastinate). I learned this yesterday and was skippy about it.

Here is my list of stuff to do:

  • finish the fugly desk so that I can stop using the ironing board or dressing table as writing desk.
  • sort/scan/sell on ebay dolls house magazines*
  • decide to sell vintage dolls houses and furniture and then DO IT
  • start working through drawers/cupboards/boxes and GET RID
  • consider taking a table at the local weekly (it couldn't be more perfect if I had the motivation) indoor boot fair.**
  • Get off my arse and walk
  • the family grave needs sorting......DO IT
  • And other stuff I forget at the moment!
None of this is difficult in any way, I have dealt with more work/stress/tasks in the past and just got on with it.  Now just thinking sends me into a tizz and I drift about watching the clock whizz round and think 'in 30 years I will regret wasting this time'.

Ooops 40 minutes just disappeared into the keyboard!

Right then.....I am off to the laundry basket.


* I had a hobby once upon a salary.

** The FW would insist on getting involved (then fucking it right up, he has the knack you know) or giving me advice which I would have to take or he gets the 'ump.  It is a pretty, clean indoor thingy and he would ask me to either take up space with his stuff and then I would be knackering myself for his benefit or would want to bring (if he came) his dirty work crap that he usually brings to outdoor ones and craps up our pitch.  I want to sell my vintage dolls house stuff (that I bought at the top of the market sigh) and he doesn't think that is the right place to do it.  How does he know this?

PS middle son is feeling better and able to cope with the hours/responsibilities etc.  Thank you Lord, you heard my prayers.


  1. Lots of us fellow bloggers have dolls houses too - is there a way you could have a picture on here with what you are selling that we could maybe buy from you? I'd certainly be interested in looking. FMx

  2. I will try and see how to do it, take pics and upload them and decide how to price (finding the middle way between not losing out and not overcharging). As well as vintage I have new stuff that I am not going to use (I have to be clear on this to myself, I have a lovely 24th scale kit that I want to keep for the future - and there WILL be a future some day). If the brain stays clear I will do it.
    Thanks for your support.

  3. When I have 101 things to do and find it overwhelming I make a list and tick them off as they get done.

  4. I am the Princess of the Notebook and Listmaking. Once upon a life I could write a list and then remember everything on it even if I left it behind. Now, I can't make sense of it even whilst looking at it.
    I hope this is just menopause fug and not an early dementia setting in! Working on the 7 year cycle my menopause should stop around 12 June 2014 (it started with a bang on 12 June 2007).
    I still make lists and tentative meal plans just so that I can say I have some control left.

  5. Thank you for your laugh-out-loud blog which I have just discovered. Not laughing ATcher you understand, but laughing WITHyer. I admire your wit and GSOH, your resilience and strength. My dear, I have a FW of my own, and hang on to my sanity by a microthread at times. It helps to know that I'm not alone in feeling at times that I am drowning in the s**t, so thank you for your blog.
    My darling (adult) daughter is a FW in her own right - oh those genes - or is it nurture and not nature? Not MY nurturing that's for sure (nor my genes). She lobs insults at me like it's an olympic sport and she is aiming for a gold medal. Not ordinary, run-of-the-mill insults, but ones that are directed at my soft and vulnerable parts with all the subtlety of an exocet missile.
    The fug that you describe could be a result of stress. I, too. blamed the menopause for the fact that I was unable to think/remeber/make a decision, but I took steps to reduce the amount of stress in my life and thinking became possible again.
    I hope you manage to keep it together, and please keep on blogging :-)

    1. Thank you for thanking me for my blog. It is very much appreciated and I feel less worthless.

      I don't know how I would cope with a daughter that called me names. Does she have pre-menstrual problems, or is it personality (yes, daughters do take after their fathers) or has she witnessed your FW insulting you and thinks that it is ok to do that. Does she call her friends or other relatives names. She needs to be told that it is not fair or right to be abusive. You deserve better. There is much more that I want to say, to try and help you.
      Much love

  6. Thanks :-) Sadly she has a FW of her own!! He plays mind games, lies and is very manipulative and controlling. If they didn't have my grandchildren I would blank them. I'm grateful for two sons who are kind, gentle, loving, generous - all things good - otherwise I'd be thinking there really IS something wrong with me!
    They both have lovely girlfriends who they live with, so I don't get to see a lot of them, but I know they're there if I need them.
    I haven't read all of your blog so I don't know yet what species of FW you have, but I've been helped enormously by a few books (Why Does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft and anything by Patricia Evans)and once I realised what was going on I felt better. Ideally I'd be out of this toxic environment, but lack of funds keeps me here as well as a hefty dose of unhelpful and totally irrational guilt.
    One day maybe....
    Thank you for your good wishes.


This is a place for me, to try and make sense of my world, and my place in it. My family and friends do not know about this, I need some privacy, peace and freedom.
Please don' t leave unkind comments, I have enough of that in 'real life'.