Into 2015

I want to wish everyone a 

Happy and Peaceful New Year 

you all deserve it, and so do I.

I have written more on my other blog, just because.

Have a picture (just in case the link doesn't work, if it does, then yay)

real clouds - in my garden!

xx

Do You Mind If I Knit - Vanessa Cabban - A Tribute

Vanessa Cabban,

 you were one of my crochet inspirations, your books beautiful and your papier mache sculptures were full of joy.

I hope you are at peace.

R.I.P

x

Seasonal Message

(I'm posting today 'cos I ran out of time yesterday - sigh)

ahem, my only Xmas Tree Pic (from 2011 - I am so rubbish at this!)

Merry Christmas

and

a

Peaceful New Year

(Notice there's no fancy accoutrements, I am so basic lol)

Oh Vanessa, Rest In Peace

Vanessa Cabban, a beautiful artist has died.

I used to check her blog and website now and again to see if she was going to come back and now it's too late.

I have just deleted all the words I was going to put here, the conclusion that I reached on reading the local news item local-woman-killed-by-train-at-goswick but I will keep my opinions private.

I used to work for British Railways in my youth.

x

Swapsies

I am considering swapping my blogs over and using  Dollyclothespeg for happier stuff, this is for privacy reasons so that certain people hopefully won't find the 'other stuff' I have written.  Either that or deleting. 

I don't know what to do or how to do it.  I have been considering this for some time hence the absence, also I don't want to lose the friends/followers I have.  Does that sound vain? 

In fact the more I write the more sure I am of swapping.  I will give it a go,  (amongst all the busyness which I will tell you about later). 

Wish me luck!

x

A Much Better Birthday

I am incredibly tired so this may be a bit scrappy......

Cutty Sark 

The Painted Hall

Painted ceiling in the Chapel of Ss Peter and Paul Old Royal Navel College

We went to Greenwich, The FW, Me, Eldest Boy and The Daughter.

All were well behaved.

We had a  shortish boat trip which I loved and The Daughter was unsure of.

I had lots of cards (unusual) including a "Sister in Law" from The FWs sister - a first in 32 years (I'm in, people) but none from Best Friend.

Chocolates, flowers, ambrosia choc custard (my fave), moneyz, amazon 'givoutchers', a jewellery hangy thing (lol no jewels left, all sold) and a coffee mug/cake plate.  In the Greenwich market I bought a vintage tin and little #vintage brooch.

We ate at Frankie & Bennys cos that seemed the easiest thing to do as we were StARVing.

The Most Beautiful Painted By My Daughter Painting ever in the whole wide world best present ever ever ever! (phew). I will add photo later as camera full.

that's all for now, need to watch Big Brother (don't hate me)

xx

PS 1 - My photography is not great, just snaps/reminders of the day.
PS 2 - The FW will mention, maybe not today, but maybe tomorrow how much he spent (he always does, I'm used to this)
PS 3 - Disappointed in Best Friend - what can I say?
PS 4 - crocheting like a loon to make enough stuff for half a stall at the Artists in the Woods in Faversham (oops, a clue to my whereabouts!)
PS5 - Parking £2.50 an hour WTFF

Sugarman.........

I have just been blown away by BBC4's Looking for Sugarman (Rodriguez) documentary/film this evening......

of course if I was a clever person I would add a musical/film clip type thingie......

but I'm not so you will have to search yourselves, it will be worth it and I'm happy to wait.


In the meantime, there has been a short interval for

• a bout of the blues 
• some financial concerns and decisions made
• a 60th celebration for best friend where her boyfriend kinda insulted me
• a bout of the greys
• a funeral  (Danny Williams 'Moon River' oh my)
• and subsequent trip to florist with a complaint (unlike MiLs funeral where the tribute they made was beautiful) and a 50% reduction which will be donated to the Alzheimers charity in FiL's name.

So, there we are, a tad overwhelmed, a mite concerned, a little less.

xx

pictures of stuff next time, maybe

Not sure how to begin......(Reunited with Mum)

so I'll jump right in to say that Dad (that's Father in law) is sinking fast.

Dad has Alzheimers and has had this for about 9 years and has been on Arisept from the beginning.  He deteriorated quickly in the past three months and has had a stroke recently and now has a chest infection.  He is on morphine now and the end is very near.

We may (probably) won't see him at the end as I don't feel able to insist on going to the care home in the middle of the night (this night) as I did with Mum (Mother in law) only a short time ago (Mum passed away in the early hours of 5 Feb this year).  Husband does not want to go, just as he did not want to go and therefore did not stay at his mother's side when she passed.

As I sat with him after the phone call (at the same time as before, spookily) he said he wanted to carry on and go to his little handyman job tomorrow and that "no-one could criticize me for not going" which I thought was an odd thing to say.

Today has been an intense day for me (long hospital appt with best friend) so I am knackered and have toothache as well.  So I am in bed not sleeping, thinking a lot and wondering whether to continue with my plans and obligations for Wednesday as usual.

On the one hand I have sympathy for husband* in losing both parents so quickly, on the other he was not interested in visiting for visiting's sake and he gave lipservice to grief in the days after losing Mum.

When I attempted to comfort him after the phone call he avoided me so I sat to one side and tried to find the words of sympathy, without outwardly saying "get off your arse and don't let your sister go through this again without one of her brothers with her".  I did not feel able to say "take me up there and I will stay" -  just as I did with Mum - I wussed out and now I feel bad.

Tomorrow neither of us will be home to take the call when it comes and I bet if he gets the call on his mobile he probably won't call me.

It will be an odd day.

But I will be speaking to his sister at some point to apologise for not going this time.

There is deeper guilt in all this and I will be honest and say that all the previous anguish within husband's family about the house being sold for their care home fees is ironic because now most of it is still in the bank** and therefore available for the inheritances!***

Good night and I will see you soon xx


Dad passed away at 1.30am Thurs 8 May, 13 weeks after Mum.


* Note that I feel unable to use his normal nickname at the moment.

** Mum had money in the bank for the first time in her life, never got to appreciate/spend it and had it for only 4 months, then her half of the house went back to Dad, (though I have no idea when or how because it is none of my concern,  but I expect sister in law's husband knows every little thing *wink*).

*** Not mine, I hasten to add, this is for the grandchildren and the three remaining children.  One of whom was honest and spoke up about losing his inheritance when the decisions were being made about selling the house and paying for care homes.

Creeping.....

The depression is creeping up on me again.

It's scarier this time because there is no hormonal/menopausal fug to blame it on.

I will try to fight it.

x

In arrears..............

I owe you all a blog post, a big one probably.

So much has been happening, some good, some not so.

Lots of interesting thoughts and mental 'writing' that gets forgotten whilst shopping and cleaning loos.

Daughter's birthday - 17 (what!!)

Hospital visit  - mulling over a letter (clarification, not complaint lol)

etc

etc

Have a picture, on account.

Dearest Mother-in-law's funeral tributes.

That's all for the moment.  I have been reading and occasional commenting on other blogs.  But now I have to get up (carefully, as now I have lower back pain, ouch) and pretend to be mummy/wifey and take care of everyone else.

x

Unexpected

Life has been somewhat interesting of late..........

• We had an bereavement totally out of the blue, I will write more of this another time.
• The menopausal headfug is lifting a little, the dimmer switch on the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned up a couple of notches yay.
• Financial fuckwittery has not been pleasant.  All the money I had paid off the credit card* last year has been wiped out in two short weeks, grrrrr.
• Dearest, darling daughter is so, so, so much better due to the wonderful counsellor (and probably natural growing-up too), she is a joy.  
• The weather - yikes.
• Disillusioned with Best Friend, we will still always be friends (probably) but well, it is hard to explain but  'fings ain't wot they used ter be' if you get my drift.  As well as the long periods of time without communicating** when we did speak she said something dismissive and deeply upsetting about Depression (I knew there was something there in previous phone calls we had had).
• Poorly ageing doggie (fleas too, yuk).  He is ten (what!!) and is showing signs of arthritis.  He had a sudden flare up and was shivering and internally growling, luckily the tail was still wagging so I knew it wasn't a stroke.  Scared daughter so much she said to him "you had better not die too or I'll kill you".  Poor love.  A couple of days of junior aspirin put him right, or at least until a week later he flew out the catflap again and hurt himself.  So funny seeing a little dog doing the "dot and carry one" walk.  We can't afford the vet so I will have to drag The FW to the PDSA soon (unless I can take him on the train - the dog not the fw lol).
• An emotionally distressed niece.  Now diagnosed with a Personality Disorder.  I have been acting as mediator between her and her mother. Not fun.
• Lots of things involved with the bereavement.
• Haven't been able to get to the horses as much as I would like, and now my friend has to move to an Assisted Livery.  This is due to the land being sold to the Russians (who are taking over the little village and adjacent hamlet too, they have bought the pub and lots of adjacent land).  So I will be just visiting instead of helping.  The rain has been interesting.
• Trying to teach 40/50 year knitters to crochet - not easy!
• Thinking about opening an Etsy shop to sell my vintage dolls house furniture and houses.  Just thinking at the moment.  Or the local indoor boot fair maybe.  I am not a natural seller.  Purchasing though, I do very well indeed.  Have recently spent money on yarn that I shouldn't have.  Though this was before the financial shenanigans.
• Lots of crochet - and knitting too - wonders will never cease!!
• Lots and LOTS of blog reading, I need lessons how to update my blog, pretty it up and make it work and look better.

this is an old photo, (I need to take and upload more)

Okay, it's time to get up and do stuff, mountains of washing, housewifery, meeting best friend (testing the waters), collecting train tickets yadda yadda.

Welcome to my new follower, I did notice you arrive and I apologise for not saying hello before. Hello, hello, would you like a biscuit?
 
Love you, and I promise not to leave it too long next time.

* house hold bill payments - NOT handbag purchases
** I made a point of Not phoning her to see when (and indeed if) she would contact me, which sounds petty but in reality isn't.