Interesting day.......

what a day for ups and downs::

Ups

• 2 new peeps (haaaaallo my darlings, you are very welcome here
• one larder cupboard wiped and tidied to make room for the supermarket delivery of heavies (on the credit card but whateverrrrr)
• freezer sticky shelf wiped (it's only been a month since the spillage)
• ironing tackled
• did not leave house so therefore did not shower (dirty cow)
• It was nice the see the snow knowing I wasn't leaving house yaay.
• feeling 'lighter' in my head

Downs

• the cat peed in the utility area (right by the cat flap!!!) she has Never done this before, new worry to add to list, sigh.  Did the snow scare her?
• Took 5 hours, on and off, to make 2 loaves of bread, one good, one fail.  I need to stop this.
• Disastrous attempt at chinese dinner (The FW got involved too grrr)
• Son came home from friends house disappointed at being ignored, they had another couple there and had a takeaway meal and did not include him and barely spoke to him.  He also finds it difficult that they always have the new computer gadget/game but there is no food in house for their children.  I said it may be that that friendship has run its course.
• Tried to do some urgent crochet, just ended up trying to untangle a yarn monster all evening bah!

Mehs

Had phone conversation with BF, the chat was mainly about and included her lovely little grandson (what a character and only one yr old) and her health.  Only partly interested in talk about Fil and the broken ribs.  Wasn't a total write off but, meh.


I need to add that I am truly grateful for the positive comments and virtual hugs.  I don't want to sound crawly but y'know, like, really 'ppreciate it.

I also need to add that what I have written so far as not all of it, the bad stuff, there is more but I don't want to bore anyone.  Some of it can't really be shared, the back lash could be huge. Nevertheless it has had a major effect on me, my self-esteem and made me question my motives and feelings for an individual.  

This year has been huge, turning 50 and how I feel about that, friendships, children being adults, the end of school approaching, and the scarily depressive feelings I am experiencing.  I scared myself pretty badly a few days ago with very, very negative thoughts.  I have never, ever felt that bad before, never contemplated anything like that.  My children have always kept me going on.  There, I am shaking a bit with expressing those words.  Please do not worry, I do not feel this way now.  I will keep on keepin' on as the saying goes.  At some point it has to get better, right?

On that slightly down note I will sleep now and tomorrow will be different.

Bless you and good night
xx