Feeling a tiny bit relieved....

simply because we know who and we know how much.

It was not the worst, but it is still bad enough because of the age of daughter at the time.  3 1/2.  Twelve years have gone by.  Twelve years we have had to go back.  To remember who was here and how long for.  The circumstances of each and the way they left us.  Someone is at fault.  The agency who placed someone in our home that should not have been here.  They knew.  And did not tell us.

Daughter is ok.  Is probably relieved that the something that has troubled her, caused her early teenage emotional problems, caused the cutting, is finally out.

In the course of this I have had to tell my children that I was raped by someone older and consequently suffered a miscarriage at age 16.  This is something I thought I would never have to speak about.  My mother gave me no succour or sympathy because I did not tell her of the rape.  It was the 70s - a whole different ethos.

Her father and I are relieved that it was not the worst.  That would have finished me.

I want to leave this house.  We, I, have not been happy since we moved here in 1999.  We have had problems with water, of all types, be it leaking showers, the pond, the fish tank, my water retention (mainly in my head, no joke), leaking roofs, hot water cylinders, kettles, you name it if water is involved then it has been a problem.  I am trying to remember a clairvoyant telling me something about water probably 15 or so years ago, but I can't remember the details. 

This is a nice house, a desirable home for someone, but not us, clearly.

So, now, it is counselling, social workers, etc etc.  We will be taking this further with the agency.  That will not involve daughter, that is for us, we need someone to know what they have done to our child, to us, to our family.  Bastards.

x