An Upsie-Downsie Week

Please excuse the short sentences, they match my short attention span.

Darling daughter has been offered the college place she wants.  They are impressed with her work.  Financial assistance is offered for travel, the levy and maybe even food vouchers.  I am relieved.  We are proud of her.

Best Friend has not phoned since I phoned her twice last week.  She has not asked how we got on Wednesday, or about the college interview.  I will not phone her again.  It seems petty, but I cannot keep giving.

The sunny weather (and freezing wind) is cheering and I have made sure to walk out several times.  Briskly!

I met son's girlfriend in town today and am 'totes amaze' at her meeting with mortgage advisers on getting a new mortgage.  I am twice her age and am dithering as to whether to be brave and go for a voluntary job in a charity shop.

On Valentine's Day it was the college interview and we would be out at our normal meal time.  I suggested a cooked brunch and have a light snack when we got back.  I was still exhausted from the day before.  The FW decided to go out and buy sausages from the poncey farm shop (he said they were on special offer).  I had to start the food as Eldest Son had a dentist appointment and time was running short.  The FW came in and took over the cooking despite my saying there was not time to cook the sausages as usually he wanted them very well done.  He was tetchy and when I asked him to turn the heat down on my nice little omelette pan he shouted "LEAVE ME ALONE".

Son, who was making the tea, turned to me in horror and I had to check myself and pretend to be washing some dishes before leaving the kitchen.  My children have never ever heard either of us shouting at each other, because we don't do that.

As you can imagine I was terribly upset and wept  upstairs, then had to calm myself at sit at the table to eat charred bacon and undercooked egg.   I picked at the food and left most of it, then left the kitchen again.  This is unusual as I normally clear away immediately.

The rest of the day was tense, and when daughter came home from school I had to pretend to be cheerful for her as she is quite unsure of herself in new situations.

He has made several hints as to car tax and mot etc which I am ignoring.  In return I have mentioned that I need to pay daughter's savings back before her 16th birthday (which I had to borrow to pay household bills) because then she will have control of her bank account.  Plus whatever she wants to do for her Big Day,  (luckily she is not keen on parties).  You can bet your sweet bippy I will be paying for that, just as I paid for our son's graduation two years ago.  He just does not think he should put his hand in his pocket for our children.

Also, whatever she will need for college.  Which will pretty much take care of all of the Late Vera's Legacy.  Never mind, as long as I get a pair of shoes at some point.  Oh, and bras!  Me and the kid are off on the bus to Big Town tomorrow, M & S here I come. yippee.  (He will offer to give us a lift despite daughter's car sickness and then be stroppy and offended when we say "no thanks").  It's a control thing, he would never help with shopping when the children were small and I had a heavy pushchair and a very long walk into town.  bastard.

You know, it is easier to write than to speak at the moment,  I seem to be tripping over my words or mixing them up.  Menopausal Fug, Depression Tongue-Tie or Early Dementia?  Which is it, I wonder?

xx


Today, he seems remarkably cheerful, too cheerful in fact, so I shall wonder and watch.

PS - I have just found a bunch of stuff in the Drafts folder.  I will tweak them and post, though they may be a little out of context.  Good stuff though. Prize winning I reckon, Hilary Mantel should watch out. x